so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
