A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my poor anus
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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