She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
