But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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