Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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