I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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