Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
