I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
