well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
