The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
