you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
