Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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