You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
