My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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