none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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