Where is the hickey?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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