Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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