How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
