That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
