I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize