and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
