Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
