I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
