If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
