I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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