I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
