If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
