you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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