i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
