I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
