So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
