True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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