In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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