we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
