When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
