He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
