I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i came on her dog
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
