I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
