I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
