rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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