Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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