She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i think i just lost a toe
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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