The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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