I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
as a side note pls kill me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
