oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
