I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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