capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
God, I missed his penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
