you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
