marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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