Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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