and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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