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home. puking in laundry basket.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
