this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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