I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
