...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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