ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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