I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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