That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
