Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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