All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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