listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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