Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
