if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
