Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
