sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
