Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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