i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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