Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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