the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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