Your tits are I can't wait for
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
