a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
