i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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