I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
