He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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