My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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