I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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